Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Randomize
