I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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