this will be a night to untag.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
