I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
