Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
my liver is dry heaving
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