Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
