she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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