from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
