I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?