i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
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then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
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Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?