a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
