The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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