It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
