mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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