someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..