Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
