i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
