it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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