This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
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He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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