What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
