Duck Duck Cougar?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
