nut hugger
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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