he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
