you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize