i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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