I wish I could punch you in the face.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
