It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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