Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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