He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize
