maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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