I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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