K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
