it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
