Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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