Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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