guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
