So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
