i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
