Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
