sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
