Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
