ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
