can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
