Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
