The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
