My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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