This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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