And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
