The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
