then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Is Oprah even human
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
