im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
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You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
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There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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