Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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