I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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