if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
