I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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