She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
