the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
