So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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