I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
