Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
