so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
