Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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