would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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