there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
