This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
