They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
