I showed him my bush... on skype.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
