The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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