I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
