I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
smell my finger.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
