he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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