god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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