3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
