idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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