Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
