my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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