Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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