bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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