My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
