first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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