I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
