do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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