Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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