Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
