I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
