i need an iv and a liver transplant
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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