Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
