just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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